Nothing is ever perfect...

*zHigUo + xiNhUi = kUkU & LaLa *

Last night I had a dispute with Baby again~... both of us ended up sleeping at only about 4am? I know I didn't get much sleep at all, and Baby only had so little time to sleep too~ The dispute started off with my worries with monetary issues.. Of cos I'm not saying that I don't have enough money to spend now, because I had always been financially independent ever since I started working. I have a great family, great parents and great siblings whom never gives me any troubles or problems in terms of money, and family bond. I would say I was born in a well to do environment.

However, my baby isn't. His family is not well to do, his parents hasn't been working since dunno when, and his siblings simply heck care about supporting the parents ever since they got married and moved out. Baby has to work so hard everyday just to support his parents, and has to pay off arrears such as the 20 year old flat they are staying now. He has to pay for every single bill at home, and has to set aside money for his car and bike. Simply to say, he doesn't have the ability to save enough money to prepare us for our flat, furniture, renovations, and even our wedding.

Of cause I have been aware of all these since I knew him, and of cause I will help in anyway possible. I know that we have to prepare for our future, of cause I will save more money instead of buying expensive stuff (which is my interest). But Baby doesn't share his problems with me unless I find out myself, and its like even if I find out myself and confront him, he still denies or tries to change the subject so that I will not ponder or dig deeper into the issues. But how can we support each other when we don't share our thoughts and worries. We are going to be life partners, but he still doesn't tells me everything and anything. This way how would we be able to solve future problems together?......

Last night he told me that he had been trying to hint me sometimes when he had problems... Its just excuses lor.. How would I know what he wants to say when he always changes subject halfway through when he is talking. He always has a happy go lucky attitude, which is good in a way, but bad too, depending on what you are looking at.

All these really made me realized that a good marriage really requires very strong foundation. Which would never be perfect as it requires lots of love, patience, attentiveness, care, understanding, self sacrifice, sharing, truthfulness, thoughtfulness, unselfishness and many many more others which I can't think of. All these components are important, but one can never be perfect that he or she holds all that values. Thats why we have got to be blunt towards each other, and talk about almost every issue. Not you hint me, I hint you, then expect each other to know what we are thinking inside our minds.

All our financial issues made me ponder if we took the right step in buying our flat so early. We never really sit down and calculate how much money we need, which step should we take, when will we have enough money for our wedding and etc. This had been what I wanted to do all along, but Baby always doesn't seem to worry. He does only rough calculation and tells me "this" is how much we need. "He always have to wait till it rains before willing to take out the umbrella to shelter himself."

Hai.... I don't know what step to take now.... walk one step.... see one step ba......